A Boy at Christmas

I always get a little sad at the close of the holidays. For me, it’s just such a splendid time of year, the world and its surroundings take on new shape, don vast sprawls of beautiful stringing lights, kitchens boast aromatic bliss, and people seem to think about each other just a little bit more than on those other months of the year.

As a kid, this was also the time of year when my mother seemed her most alive — and now in her painful absence, perhaps this time of year brings about those fond memories of a world where mum was still around.

In the looming days just ahead, I am to confront another difficult anniversary — the death of my dear sister, Lisa. This one will mark three years…jeez…it really doesn’t feel possible…

In the weeks and months that come after Christmas and the new year, the world just seems to fall back into the normative bustle of “go, go, go…” The snow melts, lights come down, and everything slips back into the mundane of routine. I know that’s a pessimistic prism of which to gape through, and I’m working on that, but it is something that hits me hard around now.

I’m doing my best to breed a happier disposition for the return of sun and heat, something most others effortlessly find joy in — historically, for me, those times of the year are spent in forlorn wish for that first chilled breeze, and auburn leaf to turn. Hardly a healthy enjoyment for the moment.

The moment…the present…that’s where I’d like to cultivate some more presence and acceptance. You see, we are only ever in the moment, but we spend so much of our time and energy in the past or an unwritten future; both of which are immutable. It is my belief that when we do that; focus on what has been or what may become, we do a disservice to ourselves and the time given to us.

Have you ever noticed how time seems to speed up as we get older? The reality is that time is time; it’s a constant…it’s not in a rush, we are…right up until we don’t want to be — and by then, sometimes it’s too late.

I feel that if I immerse within the present more, then the more I will accept the surroundings of my present moment — meaning I can enjoy it, savor it, capture it and hold onto it. My life should not be about favourite seasons or times of year, it should be about moments spent in love, in lust, in comfort, and in peace — all of which can exist no matter the foliage.

This is not a “new year’s” resolution; this is a life affirmation, a work in progress. And you know what? By the time you read this last paragraph, know that I am already a little less sad, a little less forlorn, because I have so many moments left to enjoy!

I wish nothing but bliss and harmony within your moments as well.

Happy New Year, everyone.